The Time Has Come

I started this process, like every volunteer before me, with a thought, an idea, a hope. Now, I am less than 4 hours away from stepping on a plane and saying good bye to the two most important people in my life. I hate good byes. I also like to say them quick, so to impose the less amount of harm on my emotions and basically to keep myself from creating a river of tears where there should be none. In the last three days I have said good bye to the people in my life who have had an integral part in making me who I am to this day.

(1) First, there was Leslie. Leslie is my aunt. Leslie is my best friend. Someone once said that Les and I were the same person, but in different bodies. She is my rock, she is my comfort. She is the person I go to when I am scared, happy, joyful, bored. She is always there and for that I will forever be grateful. She makes me feel safe, and in all of my travels and life experiences, she has always been there. Be it next to me in a car, me wrapped in her arms, or on the phone she has never failed to make whatever I am feeling either go away or increasingly exaggerate. She makes me laugh. When I was a kid, my mom and sister and I would go and visit her. I SO hoped she would like me. After every day, when my mom would tuck me into bed, I would secretly ask her "How was I today mom? Does she like me?" I have admired this woman, this wonderful truly beautiful woman since I could have any memories to remember. My admiration, love, respect, and dedication, will never cease to exist. As my mother says, she is my number 2 mom. Tears roll down my checks as I think that I will not be around such a phenomenal person, but I know she will always be there, even if it does have to be through skype.

(2) Second, there was Diane. Now I have only known Di since I was 12 years old. She was the drillmistress (and is to this day) of my drill team, the Highlanders. Throughout my six years on the Highlanders, I was allowed the opportunity to grow into someone who I had always wanted to be. The team taught me dedication, respect for authority, poise, bearing, confidence, self-respect, and through all of my lessons and experiences there was Di. AT practice, when I would be tired from marching or doing drills, I would look over to her and she would give me her "secret winks". I always thought these were secretly directed at me, like no one else in the world could see the little spark of friendship she would communicate to me with every "secret" wink. As I grew, matured, graduated high school and then college, she continued to be there, to keep teaching me those so important life lessons. In fact, my middle name was changed to honor her importance in my life. When I was choosing a name, I could not think of a better person to represent a new part of my life. In a resent lunch we had, she quoted a common statement, "don't forget to stop and smell the roses". The one thing about Di that I have always admired, and will continue to admire, is her grace and kindness, her pure caring soul, the love she has for every single child and adult. She told me that life has an expiration date, live it to its fullest. Thank you Diane, thank you for teaching me humility, kindness, and most of all faith. Thank you for showing me, with your actions and words that there are truly beautiful people in this world. People that make you look at all the bad and say "there is good". Ever since I could remember there is a like poster on her wall that says "to the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world". Di, you are my person, and because of you I have the self-confidence to go out in the world, to make a difference, to do my part, and hopefully to shine a light, like you have shined in my life and display grace, beauty and faith. My mom calls her mom #3.

(3) My mom. Although I haven't said good bye to this angel, this strong, courageous, beautiful, lady I know that when I do it will be more difficult than any good bye. There are no words to describe the courage and strength of my mother, and the love that I have for her. I am so blessed to have been given such a loving, dedicated mother. She is who I hope I will become. She gives me so much hope for the future and she is...she is my number one and I will miss her terribly. Very terribly.

(4) This next young woman happens to be watching tv in the next room, cartoons probably. She is the one, the only, Amelia Jordan, my sister. Now Amelia, like my mother, is one of those people who words can not ever describe what I think of her, how much she has affected my life, how much I love her, with my whole heart. Ever since I was a little baby she has been my protector, and now that I am leaving for Africa, she can no longer protect me. Giving this up, this connection, this soul pounding love and affection, this no-words-can-describe love and comfort is hard. Very hard. I look up to my sister more than anyone else in my life. I look at her and say "i can get through ANYTHING". When there are hard times, when I am scared, frightened, I think of my sister and know that I can get through whatever issue that is confronting me. I love her so much. She is my other half. She is my one and only sister. She is my strength. She is me. She gives me the courage to do things I never thought I would do.

As the list above demonstrates, I am so lucky and blessed to be surrounding by strong, beautiful, adventurous, faithful, stunning women. Each is her own, but each gives me something, has given me something that has had me who I am today, and who I will be. I love each of the above women so much, with my whole heart. They represent my friends, my mothers, my soul mates, my "other halves". They are the best representation of who I want to be someday. Earlier on in the day my sister, mom and I opened a bottle of champaign. My sister looked in my eyes and said "I am so proud of you, and scared shitless". With any new adventure comes new dangers. I was talking with a fellow PCV earlier in the day and she said something that really resinated with me, "think big". I am thinking big. This new adventure is just one in many. I will leave Seattle one person and come back a completely new one. This chance, this opportunity is big, its scary, its frightening, its a challenge, but it is also exactly where I want to be. I cannot go throughout life scared. Sometimes, I just have to jump and hope I land.

Thank you to every person who has been there. To Dena, for over 15 years of friendship, for being my rock, for knowing me better than I even know myself. To Frosty, for teaching me friendship and humility, for bringing out the best in me, for allowing me to mess up and be there when i've pulled myself out of my ruts, for never abandoning me. To Lauren, who is my angel, you have a place in my heart. You helped me glue the broken pieces together, you have seen me, and you are still here. To Kendahl, who is my girl, she makes me laugh, oh so hard. I love you. Thank you for allowing myself to find myself. You are my sister, both literally and metaphorically, you are perfectly beautiful in my eyes. And to Martha, you are and were always there, you never stopped allowing me to learn from my mistakes and you loved me every step of the way. I love you girl. And to everyone else who saw me grow up, who helped me grow up. I am starting this new journey and every single one of you has helped me get here.

And now I must go. The time has come and so I must be ready. I love you all.

This Is Only The Beginning

It has taken me over 24 hours to figure out how this 'blog' this works. Last night, sitting in front of the electric fire in my living room, absorbing its warm radiating rays, I looked over and realized in less than two weeks I would (possibly) be sitting in front of a real fire, in Bamako (or near Bamako -- which for those of you who don't know is in Mali -- which for those of you who don't know is where I will be serving my 27 month commitment as a volunteer with the Peace Corps).

For my first post I think I would like to introduce myself to all of you. Now, most of the people who choose to read this blog are my friends and family. My friends, hopefully, will read my blog with curiosity and excitement, wondering what has their friend has got herself into. Some of you will be looking at my photos and reading my posts saying to yourselves "i'm SOOO glad im NOT in Mali right now, I really appreciate my bathroom and electricity (and to you Frosty, your Swiffer)". Then there will be others who are saying: "why did I say I would come visit her? . . . what have I got myself into". To my family, many of you will surf my blog and wonder about the adventures I have experienced and what crazy stories I will inevitably bring home with me in April 2013. Others then, like my mom, will probably look on my blog every day, reading the “Mali News” column, absorbing every word I write, repeating to oneself that yes, I am doing what makes me happy and yes I am safe (I love you momma).

I have contemplated the Peace Corps (PC) for over three years now. As a second year at the University of Virginia, I knew I wanted to work in international relations and be some sort of lawyer (a life long “dream” that I thought up since I was a little young’in and due to my stubborn state have yet to relinquish). I thought of the PC but pushed the idea out of my mind due to the fear that accompanied the thought. My third year of undergrad, I found myself traveling around Eastern and Western Europe, mostly by myself. The experience of living on trains, in hostels, and wandering the streets of foreign countries by myself, being completely dependent on myself, helped me not only mature, but allowed me to begin to believe in myself. I realized I was a lot stronger and courageous than I had ever thought. Not only learning to be resourceful in times of limited funds and cold (or warm) nights, the possibility of the PC started to become more of a reality. Although I was still fearful of the concept of going to a third world country, with no electricity or running water and having a large communication barrier, the idea seemed to be more of a welcomed challenge than a “absolutely not”. I was curious of the thought of challenging myself beyond my known limits.

Beyond my fearful thoughts, the idea and concept of the PC was something I had always valued and respected. I was studying foreign relations in college and read about the troubles and realities of peace between countries. Written treaties, diplomatic relationships, and customary international laws between nations were things that I found very intriguing to study. Consequently studying at a top college in the nation requires you to take classes that (in thought) will create a ‘well-rounded’ person. In every one of my classes we would discuss the nature between ethics and politics. In any liberal arts class theology and politics struggle with each other, they collide like atoms in a structured environment. Immanuel Kant believed that reason is the salvation of humanity. He said that although human nature is not pretty, we know that we can work towards peace because nature has given us the ability to reason and over time our reason will allow us to make better decisions.

In 1961 President Kennedy established the Peace Corps in order to promote world peace and friendship. He wanted to create a program, which would established a better understanding of Americans on part of the peoples serves, and in reverse, help promote a better understanding of other cultures on part Americans. While making my decision to apply for the PC I realized that if I wanted to work in the human rights sector when I ‘grew up’, I didn’t want to just learn about human rights abuses in textbooks, I wanted to experience them in person. I waned to immerse myself into a community with no running water and electricity, become a part of that community and live like they live. My passion to work in human rights and my nature as a person accumulated in my final decision to volunteer with the PC.

I have no idea what I am getting myself into. There is only so much a person can do over the Internet. One can read about a place, read about its peoples, look at pictures and research a culture, all without leaving a confined space. Robin Williams said, in Good Will Hunting: “But I'll bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling”. I want that.

This is the first post. This blog with chronicle my experiences in Mali; my fears, my many inevitable crazy adventures, my thoughts, feelings. It will, hopefully, allow me to organize the wild challenging adventure that will be Peace Corps Mali.